So today I gave my snapchat followers 30minutes to ask me something. The number one question was “will people know I asked you?” The answer to that question is no. Since, well, it isn’t about the person that asked. It’s more about the question, and my answer. So I will try to answer all the questions as raw, and personally as I can. Lets get to it.
If you could have one job for the rest of your life, what would it be?
I think if I could have one job the rest of my life, it would be… being myself and getting paid for it. I think in the day and age we are in now, people do that all the time. They are just themselves, and they get paid to show the world who they are. I think that might be one of the hardest jobs ever too. To let everyone know every single thing about you, your flaws, your struggles. I think though there is something super brave and effortless to just let yourself out there to the world, and be who you are, and just have money given to you for being that person. If we are talking about REAL jobs? Maybe a job where I could promote things, or market things. I’m pretty good at building hype, so I like a job where I can put my effort into making things seem cool or trendy.
I never see Susan in your snaps anymore, why isn’t she around, did something happen between y’all?
So many things I don’t even understand happened between me and Susan. But super long story short, I have always said that people treat you the way that you allow them to. And, so, that means, I never let anyone treat me in a way I don’t want to be treated. Sometimes, people don’t even know when they treat you in a way that might be hurtful to you, people are in fact human, mistakes happen, feelings get hurt, so I feel like, if someone is treating you in a way you don’t like, you bring attention to it. I think when you are in a relationship, it be any type of relationship, open honesty is expected. I also think understanding is expected too. Some people can’t stand to be told when maybe they are wrong. I told Susan she hurt my feelings because of how she was treating me, instead of being concerned for hurting her friend’s feelings, she took a different route. I know in my heart, I didn’t do anything wrong. My feelings are important, and if she doesn’t think so, then she really wasn’t my friend to begin with.
WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR HARP?
Well, I would store it with my fucks, but I seem to have lost all of them.. I just keep it with my thoughts about how everything should be about me, and when I get really wild and crazy, I’ll put it out and play a tune, or throw it at someone. I like to call it “harping”.
If you died and were reincarnated based on how you were in your present life, who or what do you think you’d be reincarnated as?
Hrmmmm. Probably a house cat. Just because I feel like I live a house cat’s life anyways. I’m pretty lazy, I like laying around the house, I don’t want anyone to touch me unless I decide I do want you to. I can be friendly, and weird, and sometimes I can be stand offish. I’m independent, and I don’t need a lot of your time, just when I feel like I do, which I’m very vocal in letting you know. Yeah, even though I’m not really a cat person, I could see me being a house cat in a different life.
ARE YOUR BOOBS REAL?
What’s your favorite color, and why?
My favorite color to look at? It’s yellow. I don’t know why exactly other than I just find it cheerful, I think yellow makes a statement, it’s bold, and its unapologetic. Really, my favorite yellow is like mustard. That old like, dirty looking yellow, it looks like its been around a while and has been through some shit, but it’s still trying to be yellow. I don’t know, maybe that’s how I feel as a person. My favorite color on my body though? Wine. I don’t want to call it crimson, or maroon, cause I associate those colors with sports, so I call it wine. Its a deep red, and really I think it looks great on every skin tone, but I really like the way it looks on me. Everyone always says how great I look in red, but I feel red is too.. much, so wine is my choice. There is something elegant, and reserved with the color wine. Something, almost, timeless, I guess. I have a lot of that one color in my wardrobe.
So you grew up without a traditional Mom/Dad home life. So who taught you all the female things like makeup application, getting your period, or how to fix your hair?
Okay. When it came to my period, my grandma had already made me prepared by a young age. She bought me this,… self help book about girls growing up when I was like nine although I didn’t have my period until a few years later, and I read the entire thing and would use it when I felt like I didn’t know something about myself. It had everything in it from, how your boobs develop to shaving to how to insert a tampon. I actually saw that book at the Goodwill bookstore the other day. If I had a daughter, I would give her that book, cause it helped me understand my body so much.
Makeup application came pretty early too. My grandmother never stopped me really from learning things, so by age twelve I was applying eyeliner. I picked up tricks from friends, and I just learned from experience.
I remember the first time I found out my hair could be pretty curly. See, ever since I can remember, everyone brushed my curls out. Well, this is because no-one else in my family has curls like mine, they all have plain, straight, white people hair-no offense. So my hair was always brushed for school, which made my hair big, and poofy, and just, a mess. I always had older friends growing up. Like, 2-5 years older than me. And one of them was Cortney Rupp. Well, her last name is different now. Anyways, I was maybe 11 or 12, and one day she said, “I would love to put mousse in your hair and see what it looked like with your natural curls.” And so, I let her. And wow, was I in love with my hair. Back then, I actually loved the crunchy moussed look, that my hair always looked wet. Then as I got older, I learned to love the products that would hold my curls but not get so hard on my hair, and I just kept learning how to style it on my own. Still to this day, I don’t do much to my hair, I guess just because I still don’t know that much about my hair texture.
In what ways do you think your unique experience helped you in life, and do you feel there is anything specifically you missed out on?
I think my experience helped me understand that life isn’t always black and white. There isn’t always a right and wrong way to live. There are so many different ways people are brought up. I also think that you can either be a victim, and blame your life for the person you are, or you can be the survivor, and say you made it through the challenges life threw at you, and came out the other side. I feel I’m stronger because of the experiences I had growing up, but in a way that makes me more open, and understanding. I understand how the world works better. I understand who I am as a person. I’m more confident because of the things I had to make decisions about at an early age. I learned that standing up for yourself, even if you are standing alone, is better than kneeling with everyone else. You don’t have to be liked, you just have to like yourself.
When it comes to things I missed out on? Hell yeah, I feel like I missed out on things. I missed out on father daughter dances. I missed out on mother daughter things. I missed out on spending Christmas with all my family. Getting gifts from my dad on birthdays or holidays. And it isn’t because he was dead, its just because the addiction meant more to him than his daughter did. I missed out on the stability a child needs growing up. The knowing your parents love you, and you are the most important thing to them. I’m very thankful to my grandparents for giving me what they could, but it isn’t what other kids got. I missed out on getting to be afraid about the unimportant stuff, and being too afraid of the important stuff. I think the fact is, somethings, I don’t even know I missed out on them, cause I never got to know what they would be. I never got the opportunity to know. There is always this thing, you can’t miss what you never had, but sometimes, you know you are missing something, you just don’t know what it is.
I think I missed the feeling of belonging. I never felt like I fit in anywhere, and still to this day, thats the number one feeling I still carry from my childhood, that feeling of being different, that feeling of not fitting in. I’m sure everyone experiences that, but when you are 5 years old, and your grandparents are raising you, and you are half korean, and the school kids are making fun of you cause your eyes are slanted, and you don’t know a single other Asian person alive, it makes you feel different. And then you come home, and your white Grandma tells you that it’s cause they are jealous. It isn’t cause they are jealous, its cause you are different. You are completely different from every single person you know, not just your skin color, but your experience with life. It gets lonely to not have anyone else be able to relate with what you are going through. You learn how your experience alone, is what makes you who you are, not your experience when someone else has your back. Because when you are the only person that understands you, you gain the independence to learn how to handle it yourself, to be yourself.
Chris Pratt, Channing Tatum, Ryan Reynolds-Marry, Fuck, Kill.
Oh damn, this is hard. Ummmmmmmmm. Kill Channing? Fuck Reynolds,… and Marry Chris. Yeah, Chris will probably go back to being chubby in his old age, but, he will probably keep me laughing forever, so I feel like that’s more important. Idk.. Maybe Fuck Chris while he is hot now, cause you know hes gonna get chubby in his old age, and then marry Ryan? Cause Ryan is gonna be a grey fox in his old age, and he is equally funny. Yeah. Fuck Chris, marry Ryan, Kill Channing, just cause, well, I don’t know, I actually really love Channing, but.. Idk, I don’t guess I just don’t know much about Channing outside of his acting, like his real personality, so I don’t think I could marry someone I don’t know that much about them. I could fuck him though.. But, again, Chris is just so funny, I feel like in bed, I wouldn’t feel as awkward, cause I bet he would make a good joke to make me feel better, and.. well, Chris was still a chubby dude, so maybe he’s like more accepting of human bodies, where Channing has been like beautiful his whole life? Okay, I thought into this too much. Kill-Channing, Fuck-Chris, Marry-Ryan. Final answer.
Do you have any regrets?
Okay, so everyone is gonna say “LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS.” But, I say that’s bullshit. If you don’t regret anything, how do you learn from your mistakes? I have regrets, definitely. Some of them, sure, I would go back and change if I could. Other ones? Well, if I didn’t do them, and learn from them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. If they didn’t happen, I might not be where I am today. Having regrets is okay. I think it means you have become wiser, to be able to look back on something, and wish you would have handled it differently. Dwelling on the regret isn’t. Move past it, understand there isn’t anything you can do, except learn from it. So yeah, I have regrets, because I’m human, and I make mistakes, but I don’t let the regrets hold me down.
Well, this was the snapchat q&a. it’s been real, its been interesting, I don’t know how real interesting I’ve been though. I might do another one of these some other time. Thanks for reading. If you have comments, post them below, can you relate or not relate?